Some Flowers Only Bloom in the Imagination

Battle of the Sexes

Posted By on June 8, 2008

The Last 11 Things Any Man Would Ever Say:

        * I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
        * While I’m up, can I get you a beer?
        * I think hairy butts are really sexy.
        * Her tits are just too big.
        * Sometimes I just want to be held.
        * That chick on Murder She Wrote gives me a woody.
        * Sure I’d love to wear a condom!
        * We haven’t been to the mall for ages, let’s go shopping and I can hold your purse.
        * Fuck Monday Night Football, let’s watch Murphy Brown.
        * I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions
        * No, I don’t mind watching Thelma and Louise again.

The Perfect Day According to … HIM

    10:00am    Wake up
    10:02am    Oral sex
    10:15am    Big breakfast
    11:30am    Drive up the coast in Ferrari with gorgeous blonde with big jugs
    2:15pm    Enormous lunch
    3:00pm    Oral sex
    3:15pm    Play sports with the guys
    4:00pm    Drink beer with guys
    6:00pm    Meet Claudia Schiffer
    6:10pm    Oral sex
    6:25pm    Huge dinner, more beer
    11:00pm    Full on, get down, gorilla sex



The Last 11 Things Any Woman Would Ever Say:

        * Could our relationship be more physical? I’m tired of just being friends.
        * Go ahead and leave the seat up, it’s easier for me to douche that way.
        * I think hairy butts are really sexy.
        * Hey, get a whiff of that one.
        * Please don’t throw that old T-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.
        * This diamond is way too big!
        * I don’t mind throwing all these useless shoes out.
        * I won’t even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
        * Wow, it really is 14 inches!
        * Does this make my butt look too small?
        * I’m wrong, you must be right again.

The Perfect Day According to … HER

    8:45am    Wake up to hugs and kisses
    9:00am    5 pounds lighter on the scale
    9:30am    Light breakfast
    11:00am    Sunbathe
    12:00pm    Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
    1:30pm    Shopping
    2:30pm    Run into boyfriends ex, notice she’s gained 30 pounds
    3:00pm    Facial massage and nap
    7:30pm    Candle light dinner for two and dancing
    10:00pm    Make love
    11:00pm    Pillow talk in his big strong arms



Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her,   support her, go to the ends of the earth for her….

Show up naked, with beer….


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