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Some Flowers Only Bloom in the Imagination

Battle of the Sexes

Posted By on June 8, 2008

The Last 11 Things Any Man Would Ever Say:

        * I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.
        * While I’m up, can I get you a beer?
        * I think hairy butts are really sexy.
        * Her tits are just too big.
        * Sometimes I just want to be held.
        * That chick on Murder She Wrote gives me a woody.
        * Sure I’d love to wear a condom!
        * We haven’t been to the mall for ages, let’s go shopping and I can hold your purse.
        * Fuck Monday Night Football, let’s watch Murphy Brown.
        * I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions
        * No, I don’t mind watching Thelma and Louise again.

The Perfect Day According to … HIM

    10:00am    Wake up
    10:02am    Oral sex
    10:15am    Big breakfast
    11:30am    Drive up the coast in Ferrari with gorgeous blonde with big jugs
    2:15pm    Enormous lunch
    3:00pm    Oral sex
    3:15pm    Play sports with the guys
    4:00pm    Drink beer with guys
    6:00pm    Meet Claudia Schiffer
    6:10pm    Oral sex
    6:25pm    Huge dinner, more beer
    11:00pm    Full on, get down, gorilla sex

 

 

The Last 11 Things Any Woman Would Ever Say:

        * Could our relationship be more physical? I’m tired of just being friends.
        * Go ahead and leave the seat up, it’s easier for me to douche that way.
        * I think hairy butts are really sexy.
        * Hey, get a whiff of that one.
        * Please don’t throw that old T-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.
        * This diamond is way too big!
        * I don’t mind throwing all these useless shoes out.
        * I won’t even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
        * Wow, it really is 14 inches!
        * Does this make my butt look too small?
        * I’m wrong, you must be right again.

The Perfect Day According to … HER

    8:45am    Wake up to hugs and kisses
    9:00am    5 pounds lighter on the scale
    9:30am    Light breakfast
    11:00am    Sunbathe
    12:00pm    Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
    1:30pm    Shopping
    2:30pm    Run into boyfriends ex, notice she’s gained 30 pounds
    3:00pm    Facial massage and nap
    7:30pm    Candle light dinner for two and dancing
    10:00pm    Make love
    11:00pm    Pillow talk in his big strong arms

 

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN

Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her,   support her, go to the ends of the earth for her….
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN

Show up naked, with beer….


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