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Some Flowers Only Bloom in the Imagination

Fuckin’ Porridge ~and other funnies~

Posted By on June 5, 2008

THREE old Ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The man came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them, opened his trench coat and exposed himself. Gertrude immediately had a stroke. And then Maude also had a stroke.

But Tilly, being older and feebler, bless her heart, couldn’t reach that far.

DID you hear about the dyslexic pimp? He bought a warehouse

A LADY walked into a drug store and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide. The pharmacist said: “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he said: “Lord have mercy, I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband!

“That’s against the law! They’ll throw both of us in jail and I’ll lose my license.”

Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife and handed it to pharmacist.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied: “Well now, you didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

BABY Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table and looks into his small bowl which is empty.

“Who’s been eating my porridge?”, he squeaks.

Father Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty.

“Who’s been eating my Porridge?!!,” he roars.

Mother Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells: “For Christ’s sake, how many times do we have to go through this with you idiots?

“It was Mother Bear who got up first, it was Mother Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Mother Bear who made the coffee, it was Mother Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away, it was Mother Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Mother Bear who set the damn table, it was Mother Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat’s water and food dish, and, now that you’ve decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mother Bear’s kitchen with your grumpy presence!

“Listen good because I’m only going to say this one more time:

 I HAVEN’T MADE THE FUKKIN PORRIDGE YET!!!

*grins*


Comments

One Response to “Fuckin’ Porridge ~and other funnies~”

  1. Tuck says:

    poor ol’ mama bear