Some Flowers Only Bloom in the Imagination

eHow article “The devastating effects of withholding sex”

Posted By on December 11, 2009

  1. Step 1

    There is a role that sex plays in a relationship. It creates a bond, allowing for closeness and sexual intimacy. It allows our friendship to deepen, and as we grow older, the aging changes appear unnoticed by partners. Sex separates the many relationships we have in our lives–and stands out as a couple’s intimate relationship. If you feel your relationship sputtering, note the lack of sex as a death rattle. Withholding sex may be the beginning of the end.

  2. Step 2

    As we all know, sex plays a powerful role in our relationship, and withholding sex, is a very dangerous way to express anger. Although the other aspects of your relationship may appear sincere and loving, the withholding of sex places that person in control–making you the one who ALWAYS must initiate sex. You are the one responsible for the maintaining of a sexual bond. In not assuming responsibility for nurturing a sexual bond, your partner is washing his hands for any marital problems, because he (indeed) was not involved.

  3. Step 3

    There are consequences to the withholding of sex. It leaves you feeling rejected, unattractive and unlovable. There is not a devastating feeling of shame, as your own spouse no longer desires you. This, like all shame, is difficult to discuss with anyone, leaving you with no support system, and validating the fact that you must be terribly undesirable and unlovable.

  4. Step 4

    It is possible that your spouse may agree to couples counseling,
    though this person isn’t one to discuss issues, or he (or she) would have already talked with you. Wht the person is saying is being transmitted to you silently and physically, by the withholding of sex.

  5. Step 5

    Don’t allow this Withholding of sex to perpetuate.If your self-image is bottomed out, you need to leave and find a counselor to help you understand the damage caused by your partner is far less about you and more about him (or her)It will take time, but working to regain your feelings of power and self worth IS possible, with help.

Tips & Warnings
  • The longer you allow this destructive relationship to go on, the more destroyed your ego will become.
  • The damage done CAN be undone, with time, hard work with a therapist, and you CAN feel attractive again.


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