Some Flowers Only Bloom in the Imagination

Rules for Men and Women

Posted By on December 3, 2009

Hilarious, I’ve had this in email before but this one gets me every time *guffaws*

1. Women ALWAYS make the rules.

2. The rules are subject to change without notice.

3. No male can possibly know all the rules.

4. If a woman suspects that a man knows all the rules she must immediately change some of the rules.

5. A woman is never wrong.

6. If it appears that a woman MAY be wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something a man did or said wrong.

7. If rule #6 applies, a man must apologise to a woman immediately for causing any misunderstanding.

8. A woman can change her mind at any time.

9. A man must never change his mind without express discussion with a woman.

10. A woman has every right to be upset and angry at any time.

11. A man must remain calm at all times. unless a woman wants him to be angry or upset.

12. A woman, must under no circumstances let a man know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. A man is expected to read the mind of a woman at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the female meant, not what she said.

15. If a man doesn’t abide by the rules, it is because he can’t take the heat, lacks back bone, and/or is a wimp.

16. If a woman has PMS, the rules are null and void and a male must cater for her every whim.

17. Any attempt by a man to document the rules may result in bodily harm, or at the very least, tears.

18. If a man, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to #5.

Ok guys, so you don’t feel left out……hehehe

1) Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

2) Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!

3) Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

4) Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

5) Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.

5) Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

6) We don’t remember dates. . . .Period!!

7) Most guys own three pairs of shoes – tops. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

8) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

9) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

9) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

10) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

11) If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

12) If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We’ve been tricked before!!

13) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

14) Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.

15) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

16) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

17) Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

18) The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

19) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

20) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

21) We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

22) If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

23) If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

24) Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

25) Foreign films are best left to foreigners. Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what they’re saying anyway.

26) BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.


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