My heart broke a little last night
So last night, really late after work, i was on yahoo talking with a friend. I found out he and his wife are separating. That’s sad enough, but he made a comment that really micro-focused my attention.
Ya’ll all know how, once we discover hormone problems within ourselves, the least little thing someone says can trigger an immediate mind-rush in our own thoughts.
“A big part of our problems had to do with infertility.”
The first thing I asked him was which one of them was determined to be infertile, him or her. He’s been tested and said he checked out clear, but that he didn’t know about her. I asked if she had had sex hormones tested, he said no, and that it was next to impossible to track her cycles because they were all over the place.
*perk*
I immediately asked if there was any history of thyroid or fertility problems in her family. He said “Thyroid I think.” I probably didn’t ask any of the right questions, but those were the first ones that popped into my head.
*thud*
He never knew that I deal with hormones on a daily basis, as does everyone here. From reading here, the books by Barnes and Starr, it grabbed my attention really strong and jogged my memory of all the times Dr. Barnes said he had female patients who were “infertile” who went on to have healthy babies and conceive easily once they were given trials of dessicated thyroid. And since he says he believes there is a history of Thyroid issues in his stbx’s family, I just felt my heart breaking inch by inch. He told me about her cycles, and her symptoms so mirrored my own, I ached for her. She is 37, and I will be 37 in May as well.
As an aside, part of me knows exactly how she feels about not being able to have children, because I wanted more than 1 child. I grew up an only child, and did not want that for Bronwyn. Four years of being married to a man who will not have anything to do with me intimately, has taken its toll and I feel like four of my child bearing years have been stolen from me. I know women can have kids into their 40′s, but I also know there is still a greater chance for birth defects the older a woman is when she gives birth. It wouldn’t change my love for any child, but it is still a worry. Why would I want any child to suffer?
No woman should be denied the opportunity to have a child of her own, to birth her own flesh and blood child, when the possibility exists that it could be remedied. Most of ya’ll know I am a birth mom. The adoptive couple my first daughter went to could not conceive either. Since learning of all these things, correlations between hormones, I have thought of Kim often, wondering if there might have been some possibility of helping her. After 15 years i doubt she’s physically capable of bearing children now, but it still haunts my thoughts.
I shared with my friend what little information I had, and asked him that even if they did not remain married, would he want to help her find out if she could conceive in the future, even if she was with someone else. He said he would want that for her. He copied what I wrote and said he was going to show it to her. He was forthcoming when he said that their marital problems didn’t stem from inability to have children, and their marriage was over in any regard, but the lack of children amplified their other issues. It seems like it was always at edge, hovering around every other problem they had.
There’s no way for me to know for sure if there’s a relation between her inability to conceive and thyroid malfunction, but I have to be honest with you, if it is possible, and if it could be corrected, it would make my heart swell with gratitude that one more woman got the chance to be a mother.
No real point to any of this, but I thought I would share with you all. It just touched me, in a very deep place.
