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Some Flowers Only Bloom in the Imagination

“Because I’m a Guy”

| June 8, 2008

Because I’m a guy, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I’ll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator. Because I’m a guy, when I lock my keys in the […]

Battle of the Sexes

| June 8, 2008

The Last 11 Things Any Man Would Ever Say:         * I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker.         * While I’m up, can I get you a beer?         * I think hairy butts are really sexy.         * Her tits […]

A little salt on the rim….

| June 8, 2008

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results: Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool. Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, annoying; a pain […]

One more drop

| June 5, 2008

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the […]

Something to Offend EVERYONE

| June 5, 2008

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? –Juan on Juan What is a Yankee? –The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? –The position of the dirt bag. Why is divorce so expensive? –Because it’s worth it. What do you […]